No one expects a marriage to break down when they’re saying their vows. It was never ‘I do – until divorce’ or ‘till divorce do us part’, surely, but unfortunately, for one reason or another, things sometimes turn out that way.
Breakups are never easy, especially when you have made such a big commitment to one another, both in terms of poetic pledges and bureaucratic considerations, too. The process of a divorce can be very difficult: dividing assets, sorting out money, dealing with custody issues if you have children together, and more.
Indeed, dismantling the life you built together, divvying it up, and having to start afresh can be a very daunting experience that causes a lot of heart and headaches. If you are at the beginning or in the middle of your divorce proceedings, there are still some steps you can take to do things in as wholesome a way as possible; here are 7 tips for dealing with divorce responsibly and reasonably.
No Stigma In Seeking Support
Friends and family are essential to you right now. You will need shoulders to cry on, friendly faces to cheer you up and on, and someone to vent your frustrations to. Your loved ones are your best support network, and will only be too willing to help.
If you have kids, you will more than likely need someone to babysit once in a while to give you a break or keep an eye on them while you’re dealing with the legal issues of your divorce. Make plans with the loved ones in your life, whether it’s a dinner date, a weekend away or something else during this time so that you have something to look forward to when it’s all over.
Escapism matters, so find some positive distractions to help you think about something else during the day. This could be meeting with friends, or partaking in a hobby such as drawing, reading a good book, watching your favourite films or even going to the gym. Whatever brings you some joy, try to incorporate that into your daily or weekly routine.
Legal Representation
Finding the best solicitors you can is crucial, though we appreciate that’s easier said than done when divorce itself is so expensive. If you’re on a low income or receiving certain benefits, professional legal aid can help cover the costs of legal representation, particularly in cases involving domestic abuse or child custody disputes. It’s worth checking your eligibility early on, as navigating the legal system without proper support can leave you vulnerable.
Even if you and your ex-partner have been civil with each other up to this point, when it comes to the legal side of things, the situation could become sour quite easily as the reality of the closure and finality dawns on both of you.
Hopefully, it won’t come to that, but divorce is an emotional time for everyone involved, and things can change in a broken heartbeat. While initiating proceedings is now as easy as filling out a divorce application online, once the legal process begins, there’s not much opportunity to turn back and take stock. Tread carefully here, and instead channel your energy into mediated discussion and compromise wherever possible.
Would Somebody Please Think Of The Children?
If you do have children with your ex, they will need your support through this time, too. It can be a confusing and hurtful time for them just as much as it is for you, and they will feel the tension, even if it’s only expressed implicitly.
As you’ll know, children are super smart and intuitive, and will want what’s going on, so try to answer as honestly as you can. Spend as much quality time with them as possible, and do endeavour to keep discussions regarding your ex to a minimum around the kids. Most of all reassure your child or children that it isn’t their fault and that they’re loved, as always and forever.
Fiscal Responsibility
Divorces are wickedly, unforgivably costly, and don’t have any regard for your emotional wellbeing. With rent, a mortgage, bills and every other life expense, it can all become overwhelming.
It’s prudent during this tough time to keep an eye on your spending and stay on top of your finances to keep your head above the water. Save a little more than usual each month if you can to help you cover any unexpected costs that arise as a result of the divorce. If you’re concerned about your ex using your money or having access to certain financial accounts, speak to your solicitor about it; that’s simply not acceptable on anyone’s terms.
Take Care Of Yourself
Studies suggest a link between divorce and the development of depression and anxiety so don’t be afraid to seek counselling should the onset of this occur. You can also make several lifestyle changes which can help nurture a calm, balanced headspace ideal for coping with the strains of a big change.
Factoring mindfulness and meditation into your daily routine can do so much for promoting the most positive, composed version of you possible during this difficult time. We’ve written more about that over here; so check it out. The mental health benefits of exercise are now firmly established too, so don’t neglect those daily runs or trips to the gym during the divorce process. The release of endorphins and opportunity to focus on some nourishment of body and soul will do you the world of good, there’s no doubt about that.
Keep Communication Clear & Civil
However tempting it might be to fire off a heated text at 2am, try to keep all communication with your ex as measured and practical as possible. Stick to email or messaging apps where conversations are documented, and avoid discussing contentious matters over the phone where misunderstandings can escalate quickly.
If direct communication proves too fraught, consider using your solicitors as intermediaries for anything beyond basic logistics. Some couples find it helpful to establish ground rules early on: perhaps agreeing to respond within 48 hours, or limiting discussions to specific topics. The goal isn’t to become best friends; it’s simply to get through this process amicably, without adding unnecessary conflict to an already difficult situation.
Don’t Rush Into Big Decisions
Divorce has a way of making you want to change everything at once. New haircut, new city, new career, new partner. While reinvention can be healthy, making major life decisions while you’re still in the thick of emotional upheaval rarely ends well.
Give yourself at least a year before committing to anything drastic like selling the house, relocating, or jumping into a new relationship. Your judgment is compromised right now, and that’s not a criticism; it’s just biology. The version of you making decisions six months from now will have a clearer head and better perspective. For now, focus on stability and getting through the immediate challenges before plotting your grand new chapter.
The Bottom Line
Divorce is one of life’s genuinely brutal experiences, but how you navigate it matters enormously for your future wellbeing and, if applicable, your children’s. Lean on your support network, get proper legal advice, protect your finances, and above all, be patient with yourself. This period won’t last forever, and the choices you make now will shape how you emerge on the other side. Handle it with care, and you’ll come through stronger for it.
