As if COVID-19 didn’t cause enough harm, upset and division, the pesky virus and its aftermath has also been charged with pushing relationships the world over to breaking point.
As consultant clinical psychologist Alex Desatnik told CNBC back in 2021, ‘’relational stress in couples…is phenonmally high’’, with everything from differing opinions on restrictions to arguments over vaccines contributing to tension.
Whilst not all tensions have resulted in irreparable fractures and divorce (rates have actually dropped by nearly 5%), many relationships have suffered in a less spectacular manner; with a slow extinguishing of the flames of passion. If you’re keen to inject some energy and romance back into your relationship, then you’ve come to the right place; here are 7 tips on rekindling the romance and relighting the spark.
Small Romantic Gestures That Have A Big Impact
Renkindling the romance needn’t rely on showy displays of affection involving diamond rings and romantic getaways to the Maldives. Instead, it’s the little things – done daily and devotedly – that so often have the biggest impact, nourishing your relationship and relighting that spark.
A few gestures you should be making every day include:
- Acknowledging your partner when they return from work with a hug, a kiss, and a ‘’how was your day?’’.
- Make time after work to talk with one another about your days.
- Reminisce but also think about the future.
- Be kind and compassionate.
- Listen and engage in the things they enjoy.
- Ask about their family and friends.
- Don’t forget any special dates (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.)!
Once you have established a good base to build upon, you can begin to add other flourishes to your every day that will make your partner feel extra special.
Understand & Speak Each Other’s Love Languages
Rekindling romance and strengthening your relationship can be achieved by understanding and speaking each other’s love languages, a concept introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman. People express and receive love in different ways, and by identifying your partner’s primary love language, your gestures of affection can become more meaningful.
If your partner values words of affirmation, they feel most loved through verbal expressions like compliments and words of appreciation. Regularly telling your partner what you love about them and acknowledging their efforts can significantly boost their sense of being valued.
For those who appreciate acts of service, actions speak louder than words. Simple gestures like making a cup of tea or helping with chores show that you care and are willing to make their life easier. These acts demonstrate your commitment in a tangible way.
If receiving gifts is your partner’s love language, they feel cherished by thoughtful presents. It’s the thought and effort behind the gift that counts. Small tokens like their favourite snack or a handwritten note can show that you understand and appreciate them.
Quality time involves giving your partner your undivided attention. Plan regular date nights, take walks together, or have heartfelt conversations without distractions. Prioritising quality time strengthens your bond and creates lasting memories.
For some, physical touch is the primary way they feel loved. This includes holding hands, hugging, and cuddling. Incorporating more touch into your daily routine can maintain intimacy and reinforce your emotional connection.
By endeavouring to discover your partner’s love language, you can deepen your emotional connection and ensure your expressions of love resonate with them, helping to keep the romance alive.
Replace The Functional With The Fun
When relationships become more serious and lives intertwine, some of the spontaneity and thrill of that honeymoon period can be lost.
We know what it’s like; once upon a time you were taking off your partner’s knickers, but now you spend more time hanging them up on the clothes horse. And where once you would spend the evening staring into each other’s eyes, now you spend them staring into your phones.
Whilst a little cooling of the heat of passion is inevitable, it can be something of a mood killer if all conversations revolve around functional concerns rather than fun ones.
If you find that all of your conversations with your partner start with ‘when?’ and ‘where?’, and revolve around planning, without any of the fun, frivolity and flirting which once defined your exchanges, then it’s essential that you inject some spontaneity and chemistry into proceedings before it’s too late.
So, instead of ‘’what’s for dinner?’’, why not surprise your partner with ‘’I’m taking you out for dinner tonight’’. And rather than slumping on the sofa after dinner and retiring into your devices, why not sashay onto the dancefloor at a local bar instead? Keep things lighthearted and spontaneous, and you may well relight the spark, too.
Nurture Your Individuality & Build Confidence
Overfamiliarity breeds contempt, as the old saying (kind of) goes. And lockdown certainly led to an increase in both, with the invasive, intrusive nature of having to spend all your time as a couple leading to resentment in many households.
Without engagement with friends, family and colleagues, and without the usual ebb and flow of extracurricular activities and outside hobbies, many relationships began to feel somewhat insular. Now that restrictions have largely lifted and public life resumes, it’s essential that you nurture your own individuality for the sake of both of you.
In doing so, by focusing on your own hobbies and interests, too, you’ll retain the individuality and unique personality which first so appealed to your partner. Confidence and independence are attractive, after all, and regaining both is essential in restoring some of the spark in your relationship.
Pump Up The Passion
A relationship lacking in passion is no relationship at all. And rekindling passion is an area that requires effort and dedication; you will need to actively up the ante to make your partner feel sexy again.
Rather than only focusing on the physical side of things, a holistic approach to dwindling intimacy is usually more effective. Indeed, the decreased frequency of sex in a relationship is rarely down to a decreased interest in sex alone. In fact, a whole host of factors can be at play here, from stress about money to a perceived imbalance in the dynamics of your relationship.
Making the effort to communicate clearly and kindly about what’s on your mind is a great place to start. Only then can an honest and open discussion about your sex life be achieved. At which point, you might want to check out these ways to give your sex life a lift. The choice is yours…
Make An Extra Effort At Couple’s Time If You Have Children
This point is directly aimed at couples who already have kids. If you don’t have children, proceed two paragraphs along!
As any parent will know, it can be a challenge when you have young children to keep the flame of passion burning; it’s exhausting, time-consuming work and finding the time for romance can be tough. But you owe it to the harmony of family life to make time for just you and your partner, to ensure you’re both fulfilled and cherished.
So, don’t be afraid to ask a grandparent, sibling or friend for some help for an evening, helping you devote some time to working on your relationship. You’ll never believe the difference a date night can make!
Revisit Why You Fell In Love In The First Place
Remembering what drew you together in the first place, when butterflies fluttered in your tummy and your heart raced whenever you were close, can be a great way to rekindle a romance that is in danger of becoming stale.
For that date night we mentioned earlier, why not revisit the scene of your first meet, or the place where you first said ‘I love you’, or even where you first made love, in doing so reconnecting with that first frisson of attraction between you. Sounds pretty romantic to us!
And if you do find the romance again, then check out these 7 unique proposal ideas to wow the love of your life!