Most couples get to the stage in their relationship where the sex stops. You can then find yourself in a sex standoff because neither of you wants to make the first move, and you have simply got comfortable in your no-sex relationship. But, how did you get to this place to begin with? And with that in mind, here’s 4 common reasons couples stop having sex and some ideal ways to start again.
YOUR TIMING IS OFF
One of the most common reasons for partners to stop having sex is because they are on different levels with regards to frequency of intercourse. It is not so much the difference in sexual tastes that matters; it is more to do with how often each of you wants to have sex. If you are someone who doesn’t want sex regularly, yet your partner is the type of person that wants to have sex every other day, he or she may stop trying because they wonder whether you are interested in them in that way at all.
So, how do you fix it? You should consider scheduling. No, this doesn’t mean that you say to your partner “Friday, 7 pm, we will have sex.” However, you can set some time whereby you just focus on one and other.
Sex does not have to be the end goal here; you could simply kiss or cuddle. Doing so will give you a burst of the hormone oxytocin which is often referred to as the “love hormone,” as it stirs up feelings of affection and attachment. As such, you’ll automatically feel closer to your partner. Or you could offer to please one another and explore each other’s bodies. Concentrate on the clit and other areas that are sensitive to sexual stimulation – you will often find that this will lead to sex in the end. Even if it doesn’t, it will bring you closer in this way.
YOU HAVE AN ‘EMBARRASSING’ PROBLEM
You will notice the word embarrassing is in inverted commas – this is because you are probably the only person that finds it embarrassing. This could be anything from struggling in the bedroom, to a lack of sex drive, to a lump you have found down below. No matter what it is, if you cannot talk to your partner about it, the best thing to do is see a health professional. You can find out more information about this at International Andrology London. After all, you should never take a risk with your health, and you have nothing to be worried or anxious about. Whatever you are experiencing, it is not embarrassing! It is probably incredibly common and can be fixed with a simple visit to a specialist healthcare professional.
STRESS
Stress is one of the biggest sex killers there is! Plus, when you consider just how fast-paced life is today, and the fact that work commitments seem to be taking over, it’s not hard to see why we are feeling stressed more and more frequently. It is likely that sex is simply not a priority in your life anymore because you have so many other things to concern yourself with, for example, childcare and different shifts at work. Let’s be frank; sex can be a lot of work, especially if you’re tired. It’s easy for stress to get the better of is so try to destress as much as you can. Leave work at work and make time for yourself. You could even try burning to burn some essential oils to help transform your mood.Oh and did we mention that sex can actually help reduce stress?
YOUR CHILDREN GET IN THE WAY
This is probably something that all parents can relate to. Once you start having children, any libido you had left is squashed. Not only do you have the hassle of having to find a moment to yourself, but there is also the stresses and strains that come with being a parent. General exhaustion and breastfeeding can further deplete your desire to engage in sexual intercourse. There was a study conducted by Laumann, which revealed a lot about women and their desire for sex. For women in their 20’s with children under the age of six-years-old, more than 95 per cent of those surveyed stated that they had no interest in sex. For women without children, this figure only amount to 34 per cent, so you can really see how having kids has a negative impact on sex drive.
There is no easy fix for this situation. After all, you can’t go back to the days without kids – nor would you want to! However, you should try to schedule some time for you and your partner only, in the name of spicing things up. Ask your parents if they would look after your children for a weekend so you and your partner can get away and spend some time together. Or convince one of your children’s friends mothers to host a sleepover – tell them you’ll return the favour so they can have a night off to.
