It’s a question as old as time itself; just how do you keep the spark alive in a long marriage? Though it’s often asked, and it can be difficult to answer. Everyone ages differently. Some may stay young at heart while others grow older and wiser with each day. As people age, marriage changes too, and not always for the better.
With divorce rates at their highest for ten years and only predicted to rise further, never has it felt more important to be proactive about keeping the love, intimacy and passion alive in your relationship. Here’s how to bring new passion into your marital life as you age.
Make Time For Your Spouse, Each & Every Day
Your spouse deserves the time you dedicate to your marriage, especially as the years pass. One of the most important things couples can do in order to keep their marriage healthy is making sure they have daily ‘dates’ with each other.
You may feel like you already spend enough time together or that it’s more important for you to get chores done. But don’t forget about how much time should be devoted just for talking and hanging out.
Even if all you do is sit on the couch next to one another while watching TV, make sure they know they matters by giving them an hour (or at least half an hour) each day when nothing takes priority over spending some quality time together.
Ask them how they feel, or talk to them about what you did that day. You don’t have to do anything big or exciting, but make sure your spouse knows they’re important and matters every single day. It doesn’t matter how many years pass, marriage is a commitment to each other for life.
Do Something Spontaneous
One of the best ways to ignite a spark is by doing something that surprises your partner. Cook them their favourite meal, make them feel like a million dollars, whisk them off on a surprise holiday or shopping trip, or even arrange for them to do something that they love doing (with you, of course). Doing something spontaneous to show them how much you love and care for them. This usually prompts them to do something for you too, and it becomes a cycle of showing your spouse how much they really mean to you.
Surprises can certainly be hard to organise when you’re both spending so much time in such close proximity, but with a little inventiveness and ‘planned spontaneity’, it can be done.
Nowhere is this truer than the bedroom; setting aside times to have sex each day, dressing up for one another, even surprising your partner by wearing a matching red lingerie set underneath your work clothes (hey, we got rather specific there, pretty quickly!), you can keep that element of surprise and spontaneity alive.
While sex is a very important part of a relationship, it’s not everything. Sometimes keeping things physical by simply hugging and kissing more often, holding hands while watching TV and offering the occasional back rub can make them feel loved. More often than not, a physical act like a back rub leads on to sexual relations which, as you know, most definitely keeps the spark alive in your relationship.
Keep Things Fresh By Trying New Things Together
No matter how old you are, marriage is always about keeping things fresh. It’s important to keep an open mind and try new activities together in order to stay interested in each other, as well as staying healthy with the physical activity of it all! Try some fun date ideas like hiking or going on a picnic at your local park; these are great ways for you both to get out there and enjoy yourselves.
Here’s a list of ideas you could try out:
- A picnic
- Take up running together, or any other sport
- Road trip
- Cook your favorite meal and serve it by candlelight
- Go on a hike or to the beach
- Take up rock climbing, white water rafting, paintball
Have Date Nights
Yes, we realise that we already mentioned date nights at the top of the article, but it’s a point that bears repeating; making time for each other helps to keep the spark alive and make you both feel like newlyweds again.
Date nights are not only fun but they also allow you to reconnect with each other emotionally, spiritually, and physically. You can talk about anything that is going on in your lives or the world around you during date night without distractions from children or work issues. No one has ever regretted having regular date nights!
Remembering what drew you together in the first place, when butterflies fluttered in your tummy and your heart raced whenever you were close, can be a great way to rekindle a romance that is in danger of becoming stale.
For a meaningful date night idea, why not revisit the scene of your first meet, or the place where you first said ‘I love you’, or even where you first made love, in doing so reconnecting with that first frisson of attraction between you. Sounds pretty romantic to us!
Read: 7 extra special date night ideas for autumn
Nurture Your Individuality
All that time in each other’s company, without extracurricular activities or engagement with friends, family and colleagues, has likely left your relationship feeling somewhat insular. We all need an outlet away from our partner from time to time, to nurture that other side of our personality. Do make sure, then, that you’re not neglecting your friends (and in turn, your individuality) during this difficult time, as a lack of independence, or even an increase in co-dependence, may, in fact, be making matters more fraught.
Take the time to focus on your own hobbies and interests, too, to ensure you retain that individuality which first so appealed to your partner. Doing so will equip you with the tools to deal with the challenges which lie ahead on your own terms, rather than via an over-reliance on your partner. Your relationship will be stronger for it, trust us!