Christmas can go two ways. If you’ve had a good year, it’s a perfect time to reflect and enjoy the pleasures the season brings. However, if it’s been a year when you’ve separated from your children’s other parent, it can bring stress and trepidation.
Today, we’re exploring how to make things a little easier. With the help of Splitting Up, the self-help one stop shop for those going through a separation, here we offer some useful tips an tools on how to survive the Christmas season with kids after separation.
Reinvent Christmas
The first Christmas without your children can feel painful and difficult. You may feel daunted by the prospect of not seeing them on the day, or for only part of it. Try to project your energy and emotions into recreating Christmas. This could be having an alternative day to exchange presents, eat turkey and pull crackers together.
The idea of having two Christmases is likely to gain approval from your children as they get to enjoy it twice. Just don’t make them split the day between both of you and have to endure two Christmas dinners in a row.
Keep busy and have plans for when they are not with you as staying put and feeling sad can make things much harder. Alternating each year you have your children can also mean you get to enjoy the full day with them one year and time to plan a different activity for yourself the following year.
Try To Be A Positive Role Model For Your Kids
Although it is challenging when you are struggling following a split, try to be positive where you can. Divorce can bring about lots of negative emotions such as anger, sadness, and resentment. Keep these feelings away from your children and vent your emotions to supportive friends and family.
Young people of all ages are impressionable and can tune into your emotions, even though it may not seem like it. You want them to have a happy time over the holidays so focus on the exciting and fun times you will be spending together over Christmas.
Help Yourself By Helping Others
Aside from buying gifts and decorating the tree, your mental well-being should also be a priority during your first Christmas after separation. One way to improve your health and happiness is through helping others. Find out about volunteering opportunities in your local community, put your name down to help at your nearest food bank or donate to local charities. According to the Mental Health Foundation, being kind to others can help generate positive emotions, particularly for those who are struggling themselves.
Connect With Others In A Similar Position
With 42% of marriages ending in divorce and close to half of those involving children under 16 years of age, you are not the only parent to be experiencing your first Christmas after a split. Knowing other people who are going through something similar can give you a certain level of comfort, and it can also allow you to ask them how they manage challenging times like Christmas too.
If you have friends who have recently divorced, ask if they have any plans over the holidays and see if there is room to make plans with the children or just the parents.
Openly Communicate With Your Children
Find a way to speak to your children about Christmas arrangements. For very young children, make plans clear so they know what to expect, this can help them feel secure and allow them to concentrate on the fun Christmas brings. For older children, consider inviting them into the conversation about what to do over Christmas as this can help them feel in control and heard by both parents.
The Bottom Line
Compromising is key to surviving Christmas when you have children and have recently gone through a divorce. It can be challenging; allow yourself time to adjust and don’t be too hard on yourself.