With Succession over and our old DVD of The Wire scratched and stuttering, we’ve recently been binge watching the affable and slightly unrealistic Netflix drama Sweet Magnolias.
In the episode If Thou Wilt, Remember, which brings the idea of funerals, death, and the celebration of life to the fore, one line that particularly stuck with us was; “You know, my, uh, papa used to say, “Live your eulogy“”.
Sure, we may do things to proactively prepare for our death. We buy life insurance online, we write our will, and generally, euphemistically, we get our affairs in order. Some of us even plan our own funerals. But one thing that many of us don’t do is write our own eulogy, let alone live it.
Writing your own eulogy may sound a little morbid, but we shouldn’t shrink away from thinking about our legacy. According to The New York Times best seller Hero on a Mission – as reported by Inc – if you want to live a more meaningful life, then you should start by writing your own personal paean.
Many philosophers argue that by living a life of purpose and meaning, we can bring about feelings of happiness and satisfaction. Doing so helps us navigate our experiences with intention, connects us with others, offers a sense of fulfilment, and ultimately enriches our existence. However, in the grand theatre of life, we’re often more busy chasing promotions, not pondering posthumous praise and wondering about the impact we had on the planet.
Yet, imagine if we lived for our eulogies instead? Picture your best friend standing up at your memorial, recounting tales of your legendary kindness, your infectious laughter, or your uncanny ability to find the best parking spots when you invited your friends out for a day trip. Now that’s a legacy worth striving for!
Living your eulogy means prioritising the things that truly matter – love, relationships, the planet – whatever matters to you.
What Would Your Eulogy Say Right Now?
Ask yourself what your eulogy might read like. We can tell you one thing; no one wants theirs to read “broke the office record for most emails sent in a day” or “once binge-watched an entire HBO series in single sitting” (yep, it was The Wire).
A not-so-flattering legacy as the overzealous email sender or a champion couch potato really makes you think. Better to live the eulogy that you want to be remembered by…
An Epiphany Moment
People who have written their own obituaries often describe it as an epiphany moment. One woman who attended an obituary workshop in America – an incarnation of the “death positivity” movement which believes having open, honest conversations about death & dying is the cornerstone of a healthy society – told the Guardian that despite being only thirty, writing her own obituary had been an epiphany.
This is because, it made her feel that she hadn’t achieved enough in her life. “It was like, wow, I really need to get my shit together,” she says.
Indeed, for many, writing their own obituary or eulogy can be a wake up call – you could get run over by a bus tomorrow, after all.
Reasons To Live Your Eulogy
The concept of living your eulogy is tied closely to the idea of defining and pursuing a meaningful life. Some other reasons on why you should consider living your eulogy include…
Clarity of Purpose: Writing a eulogy is inherently introspective. It helps one identify and articulate what they value most in life, leading to a better understanding of one’s purpose and life goals. By determining the kind of person you want to be remembered as, you gain a clear understanding of your purpose and the values that align with that purpose.
Guided Decision Making & Evaluation of Actions: When faced with choices or challenges, thinking about how you want to be remembered can guide your decisions and actions. A self-written eulogy sets a benchmark for evaluating one’s actions. If an action does not contribute to the vision articulated in the eulogy, it might be reconsidered.
Focusing on the Big Picture & What Matters: Living your eulogy can help you disregard distractions and less important matters, and instead focus your energy on what truly matters to you. This exercise allows people to step back from the day-to-day tasks and focus on what truly matters in the long term, helping them make decisions that are aligned with these long-term goals and values.
Motivation and Determination: Remembering your end goals can serve as a source of motivation during difficult times.
Living Your Legacy: A self-written eulogy is an opportunity to consider the kind of legacy one wants to leave behind. This can be a powerful motivator for pursuing meaningful work and relationships. Living in way that aligns with your desired eulogy ensures that you leave behind a legacy that you are proud of.
Living Authentically: Writing one’s eulogy can create a roadmap for living a life that is true to one’s values and beliefs, leading to an authentic existence. Following your values and goals can bring a deep sense of fulfillment, as you would be living a life that is true to you.
Living Your Eulogy & The Gravestone Exercise
Living your eulogy is closely associated with Stephen R. Covey’s gravestone exercise. The gravestone exercise asks individuals to envision what they’d like their epitaph to convey after they’ve passed, rather than what they’d like their life insurance policy to contain.
The idea is to reflect on your own mortality by imagining what you would like your tombstone or gravestone to say about you after you’ve passed away. This helps to clarify what is most important to you in your lifespan and what kind of person you want to be remembered as.
People often find that this exercise brings clarity to their personal and professional goals, as it often highlights the discrepancy between their current path and the path that leads towards the legacy they want to leave behind. Doing the gravestone exercise can help you avoid being ‘dead serious’ about the wrong things in life.
Now, both these exercises are not to put you in an early existential crisis, but rather to give you much-needed perspective. Indeed, this introspective exercise is a reminder of life’s brevity, prompting one to live in accordance with their ultimate goals and values
Like the gravestone exercise, living your eulogy essentially means aligning your daily actions, decisions and relationships with the legacy you wish to leave behind, serving as a reminder to continuously strive towards becoming the version of ourselves we’d like to be remembered as.
It’s important to note that the idea isn’t to obsess over death, but rather to use the inevitability of death as a catalyst to live a meaningful and fulfilling life now, whether you’re embarking on an academic journey at university or settling down into a peaceful retirement.
As the saying goes, “The trouble is, you think you have time.” Understanding that our time is limited can inspire us to make the most of the present.
The Bottom Line
Writing your eulogy can provide you with a kind of ‘how to live’ guide, a personal constitution you can refer back to in times of doubt or crisis. It’s a way of checking in with yourself and making sure you are living the life they truly want to live.
So, go ahead and fast forward to your own funeral. It’s a bit macabre, yes, but it’s also a sober reminder to prioritise the living part your life.
If, like paying for life insurance, you still find the idea of writing your own eulogy a little morbid, consider framing your eulogy as creating a goal (or goals) and working backwards from it; reverse engineering your life, so to speak.
Once you’ve laid out how you want to be remembered, it’s a lot easier to be intentional about what you do with your life!