Even before a global pandemic changed the way we interact forever, the UK’s dating scene was trying to define its own ‘new normal’, undergoing seismic shifts brought on by social media, dating apps, and a newfound freedom and fluidity of those using them.
Now that COVID-19 rules on face-to-face meetings have relaxed, many singletons are tentatively trying to find their feet again after a turbulent, often lonely, two years. If you’re looking to find love in 2023, then here are some top tips for navigating an ever-evolving dating scene.
Master The Vernacular
2020 was the most lucrative year on record of dating apps, with the industry raking in more than $3 billion in revenue (figures for 2021 are yet to be released).
Along with facilitating both hookups and long term relationships in every corner of the globe, the omnipresence of these apps has also led to a whole new dating language developing. If you’re to find love in 2023, then it’s essential that you master this new and confusing vernacular.
Whilst we’d be here all day and then some if we were to list a comprehensive guide to dating terminology in 2023, it is worth acknowledging a few terms that emerged last year and seem to succinctly sum up where modern dating is at. As Dictionary.com explains:
- Fauci-ing – Named after US doctor Anthony Fauci, fauci-ing is the act of turning down a date because the suitor isn’t taking the pandemic seriously enough.
- Zombie-ing – We’ve all heard of ghosting. Well, zombie-ing is something like ghosting in reverse, when a partner or love interest who previously ghosted you rises from the dead, messaging you after months of silence as if nothing ever happened.
- Orbiting – An extension of ghosting, orbiting refers to a ghoster who continues to follow you on social media, perhaps even liking your posts from time to time, rather than completely severing ties.
- Pocketing – When one keeps their new partner in their pocket, it means that they are reluctant to introduce them to friends and family or announce their new relationship on social media.
- Soft launching – On the flip side, some may choose to soft launch their new relationship, gently introducing their new partner into their social media accounts via the odd Snapchat story and Instagram post, without officially ‘announcing’ things.
Of course, that’s just a snapshot of the bemusing, amusing world of online dating parlance. For more, check out this IDEAL guide to modern dating lingo.
Know That Dating Etiquette Is Very Different In 2023
The proliferation of free dating apps, available to all at the touch of a button or swipe of a finger, has also led to a change in dating etiquette as we move into 2023 and beyond.
For many, the safety net of a screen and some distance can lead to a newfound confidence, whilst others may suffer from an acute sense of awkwardness when chatting over instant messages. There’s also an ever-present danger of lines being crossed and offence caused in a way that simply wouldn’t happen if the interaction was occurring in person.
As such, here are a few simple modern dating etiquette pointers:
- Be clear but firm about what you’re after. If it’s a relationship, be upfront about it, as many will be looking for a hookup only. Likewise, if it’s the latter you’re after, there’s no shame in saying so (in a respectful, non-sleazy way, of course).
- Be respectful. Unless somebody has specifically okayed it in their profile, do not ever send explicit pictures without permission.
- Don’t get too personal. Most people do not exchange addresses, phone numbers or workplace details until they have met in person.
- Stay safe. If you decide to meet somebody, do it in a public place first. Likewise, be sure to respect the other person’s need to feel safe at all times.
- Don’t be afraid to say no. If you receive a proposition that does not interest you, it is okay to ignore it. Use the block button to your heart’s content.
- Make friends! Not every opportunity will blossom into romance, but there are other good reasons to connect with people.
- Don’t feel obligated to do anything.
- There’s no guilt in dating multiple people at once, if that’s your thing.
Quality Not Quantity
Gone are the days of throwing out your rod on a dating app indiscriminately in the hope of reeling in a partner. Instead, there are now dating apps to cater for all demographics, distances and distinctions, whether you’re seeking someone to go on country strolls with, or you’re looking to meet up with someone who shares a foot fetish. Of course, the two aren’t mutually exclusive…
Focuses on quality rather than quantity. As dating app use has become so ubiquitous, so the pool of potential partners available has deepened, to the point that taking a dip indiscriminately rarely results in a satisfying swim. Which has got us thinking; is there a dating app for writers of bad metaphor?
Read: 5 IDEAL tips on making your dating profile ping
Don’t Be Constrained By ‘Type’
That said, it’s generally unwise to be too constrained by a certain ‘type’ that you have historically been drawn to. Whilst the online dating game often gets a bad rap, it does have its plus points. One of these is how it opens up fresh opportunities to meet people beyond your usual social circle or predisposed preferences.
Cast preconceptions and assumptions out of the window for good. By looking for a specific type of person, e.g. tall estate agents with curly hair, you could be missing out on the opportunity to meet Mr or Mrs Right, just because they’re short, blonde and not an estate agent. Make 2023 the year of a more open-minded approach to dating. You might find yourself richly rewarded.
Learn To Be A Great Listener
Two years indoors have left us a little self-centred and inward-looking, to say the least. But whether you’re communicating via app or in person, one of the best ways of forming deep and meaningful connections with people is to practice active listening, as opposed to simply waiting for your turn to speak (or type).
But what exactly defines a good listener and how can you be one? Well, back in 2016, Harvard Business Review analysed the data of almost 4’000 participants in a management development program in order to identify what makes an effective listener.
They found that good listening isn’t just about staying silent and occasionally nodding in agreement. Instead, it’s those who asked follow up questions that demonstrated they’d comprehended the nuances of the conversation who were regarded as the best listeners. Those who genuinely wanted additional information and managed conversations as a two way street ticked all the right boxes as good active listeners, it seems.
This ‘active listening’ is also defined by the listener’s ability to create a safe environment for conversation where deeper thoughts and feelings can be conveyed. This is facilitated by a sense of cooperation rather than competitiveness in conversation.
In a world that’s so often defined by superficial tendencies, erratic interactions and a weird dance of ghosting and zombie-ing, being fully present in every conversation with a potential partner could really set you apart from the other fish in the sea. And with that, we wish you good luck in finding love in 2023!