The global pandemic has led to the concept of ‘turbo relationships’ gaining more traction. That is, an intensifying of a couple’s bond and a quickening of the pace of a relationship’s natural development.
For many couples who chose to move in together during lockdown rather than spend it alone, the decision has led to firmer commitments about living together in the long run.
Some, on the other hand, are wondering how to negotiate a retreat to living separately once again; a conversation, we think, which will be fraught with awkwardness. Others still have decided that rekindling a love left cold by lockdown might be more effort than it’s worth.
With a recent – though largely anecdotal – report from relationship therapists via Cosmopolitan suggesting that ‘’the majority of people in turbo relationships are actually experiencing really positive outcomes from shacking up quickly’’, you might be wondering when or whether you and your partner should take the plunge and move in together. With that in mind, if you’re wondering when the IDEAL time to move in together is, here are 5 pointers to help you reach your decision.
THE STATS
According to a survey from Stanford University, 25% of couples move in together after four months of dating, while half of couples do so after a year. By the second year, 70% of couples take the plunge.
For most people, dating for longer than two years and living apart may seem odd, but there could be specific reasons why this isn’t appropriate. Some may suggest that leaving it that long can result in some sharp shocks when the couple eventually do live together, as there is no substitute for the relationship dynamic of cohabiting. Others, however, believe this cautious, gradual approach to be more wholesome and sustainable.
TEST THE WATERS
Signing rental agreements with someone you’ve only known a short while and may still be trying to impress may seem hasty to some. But some people have been happily married after having known each other for less time.
Remember that each couple is different, but testing the water is a good idea before taking the plunge completely.
If you haven’t spent lockdown together as a couple, with all the trials and tribulations that it’s introduced, then going on holiday together can be a good test of what you might be like as a cohabiting couple. The pressure cooker of a foreign trip – and potential stresses – reflect what it would be like to live together. They often say that a holiday can make or break a relationship, so this might be a sensible step to take on your journey together.
Manage Expectations First
Thinking of moving in with your partner? Not until you’ve agreed on the temperature of the thermostat, never to leave wet towels lying around and who pays which bills.
According to research from Yale who polled the nation’s couples, on average Brits argue five times a week about ‘house rules’ with the most common being around cleaning and leaving lights on. Twenty things couples should discuss before moving in together, according to the couples polled who live together include:
- Cleaning duties
- Wiping down surfaces
- Turning lights off when leaving a room
- Leaving wet towels lying around
- Who pays which bills
- How often to change bedding
- Wearing shoes around the house
- Double locking the door at night
- Thermostat temperature
- Eating in bed
- What to watch on TV
- Not leaving house keys by the front door
- How to load the dishwasher correctly
- Locking the windows
- Where to store valuables
- What time bedtime should be
- Whether to get smart security
- Whether its ok to leave items in the car
- Time off the morning alarm
- Putting the BBQ/garden tools in the garage at night
Relationship expert Sarah Louise Ryan comments that “with over 59% of British couples arguing at least 5 times a week about “house rules” whilst it’s not sexy, it’s important to iron out the division of tasks and each other’s expectations around how things run around the house for relational wellness.”
“I always suggest couples spend one night a month (and they put it in a shared calendar) talking about the practical aspects that keep things ticking so it doesn’t dim the flame on date night. Topics such as home security would fit perfectly into the etched out time so if it’s not so sexy for couples it doesn’t dim the desire on date night” says Sara.
FINANCIAL MOTIVATION
Some people move in together for financial reasons. People don’t do this purely to save money on the gas bill but do so if the cost of two properties is exorbitant compared to how much time is spent in them. Rather than viewing this as a cynical move, consider that thrift and foresight is sexy in the right hands.
Changes to living situations – if one of you happens to need to move anyway – are often the spark needed to instigate cohabitation. As rent has increased, particularly in the UK’s big cities, many people use moving in together as a test in itself. As you don’t really know someone until you live with them, it doesn’t matter if you take that step six months in or six years in, there will still be adjustments to be made.
Saving money and testing if your relationship has longevity? Count us in!
ADJUSTING TO A NEW LIFE
There are many adjustments that couples need to make when moving in together. One of the most significant is double-sided. Your ‘me time’ will become ‘us time’ which means you’ll have to carve out space for yourself where you would previously have planned relationship activities. But on the flip side of this, you’ll always have someone there to depend on for the small moments throughout the day. While you will be losing the little moments of your own space and time, you’ll be gaining little moments with someone else. Lovely stuff.
IT’S NOT FOR EVERYONE…
There are others who choose to never move in together. A host of married celebrity couples live apart. The Big Bang Theory’s Kaley Cuoco lives away from husband Karl Cook as they are working to build their dream home together, so will move in when it’s ready. Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband, producer of American Horror Story Brad Falchuk, live apart so he can co-parent his children at his own house. Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton lived in two houses that were joined together. Technically living together, they each had their own ‘wing’ of the house.
THE BOTTOM LINE
The answer to the question ‘when is the ideal time to move in together?’ isn’t actually as straightforward as it may sound. Some couples meet and move in together within the same season, others do so within the year, and some decide to wait. Regardless of how long they’ve been together, moving in together takes a new skillset and more adjustment than living apart. Each couple will probably realise when the time is right for them.