Given that over the last fifty years, one third of UK marriages have ended in divorce, it is hardly surprising that each year a large chunk of UK weddings are between couples where one or both spouses have previously been married.
If you are marrying for the second time or you are wedding a partner who has already walked down the aisle, chances are that there is a complicated family dynamic to consider. Hey, we wouldn’t be human without such complexity and history, right?
There might be an ex-partner still involved or the trauma of widowhood being negotiated. Often, there are also children from yours and your new partner’s first marriage to welcome into the new family, and as we’re sure you’ll know, this can be one of life’s biggest but most rewarding challenges.
Making the decision to tie the knot a little later in life means accepting shared responsibility for raising a new family. From legal and financial implications to your evolving relationship dynamic, becoming a step-parent will bring about an abundance of seismic changes. Prepare yourself for the next stage of the journey with this guide on how to overcome and even embrace the challenges of step-parenthood.
Connecting Emotionally
The relationship between step-parent and step-children is totally unique to each family, and as much as it can be fractious, it can be incredibly beautiful, too. Perhaps you have found it difficult to connect with non-biological offspring and are worried that you will struggle to love them in the same way as your own children. Maybe you are desperate to get to know your step-child but they are naturally a little trepidatious in welcoming you fully into the family home.
Even in cases where you have already built a happy relationship with your partner’s children, it can be difficult to seamlessly integrate yourself into your new role as an ‘official’ parent after the wedding. And neither should you expect things to run so smoothly.
Instead, follow the advice of those who have already faced the challenges of creating a relationship with step-children to help you overcome any potential, inevitable obstacles on your road to becoming a step-parent.
Know Your Legal Rights
There is a big difference in your legal responsibility to your partner’s children when you are married rather than simply cohabitating. Most importantly, marriage means that you have a financial obligation to your partner, and it is important to know how that relates to their children. Take advice from trusted family law solicitors to clarify any and all changes to your financial responsibilities when you become a step-parent, and to make sure you’re fulfilling your obligations comprehensively.
Consider Your Own Wellbeing, Too
Taking on the responsibility of looking after someone else, whether a child, parent, partner or friend, can be overwhelming at times. Some level of conflict or discord is likely as it always is in situations of change, and it is easy to put yourself second as you strive to make sure your step-children are happy and content in their new life. And so you should be; that’s the nature of the relationship and your commitment to your new family.
That said, as the saying goes, ‘’you cannot pour from an empty cup’’. Ensure you consider your own wellbeing throughout the process of becoming a step-parent, too, carving out time for yourself when you can rest and relax away from the family – even if you’re just upstairs in the bath!
Remember, you don’t need to reinvent yourself or pretend to be someone you’re not too fit in, and often, trying too hard to encourage your new step-children to love you can have the opposite effect. Instead, be your kind, responsible self, and take things slowly.
Parenting From Afar After Divorce
On the flipside, perhaps you’ve just gone through a divorce and are now negotiating how to parent your biological children with love, care and affection whilst not no longer living with them.
Of course, this can be incredibly demanding, with conflicting emotions and feelings of loss and jealousy floating about. Don’t succumb to negativity; if you’re in this position, then do yourself a favour and check out these tips on how to connect with kids long distance after divorce.