Here at IDEAL we’ve recently been binge-watching Friends on Netflix, and The One With Five Steaks And An Eggplant got us thinking. It’s the episode where the gang become divided by income issues; Monica, Ross and Chandler make more money, while Rachel, Phoebe and Joey don’t.
Navigating the treacherous waters of friendship and finances can be a daunting task, as demonstrated by our beloved Friends in the episode. There’s almost always a difference in wages among friendship groups, even with those in similar jobs and working the same hours.
During the current cost of living crisis, it’s true that some people are feeling the pinch a lot more than others, and with the more bank holiday weekends approaching and summer on the horizon, making plans with friends who earn a lot more than you can be tricky and awkward.
If not navigated considerately, there’s a danger that this wage gap can lead to resentment and drive a wedge between you and your friends, particularly if they don’t understand why you’re always saying no to proposed plans.
With the help of finance expert Pete Ridley at Car Finance Saver, today we’re exploring some ways to navigate awkward money conversations with wealthier friends without putting a strain on your relationship. Let’s dive in…
Be Upfront
When it comes to friendships, money-related annoyances are inevitable. Moreover, talking about money can be difficult, especially if you’re the one with less of it. No one wants to feel inferior, but if you don’t talk to your friends about how you’re feeling, they’ll never know. They probably have no idea how tight your finances are at the moment, and keeping it to yourself will mean that the cycle of overspending or missing out continues.
You can keep it light hearted rather than being confrontational, but having a chat about your money worries will mean that your friends can be more understanding when you tell them you don’t want to, or can’t do, certain things.
Don’t feel like you have to split the bill just because you always have done in the past, when you’ve only had a tap water and a salad and they’ve had a steak and two glasses of wine. Just remember; true friendship can withstand even the most cringe-worthy discussions about who owes who £10 for that round of drinks two weeks ago on Saturday.
Set A Spending Limit
When you’re making plans, set a spending limit that you’re all comfortable with and stick to it. This will mean there’s no surprise additional costs that you’ve not prepared for. If you’ve agreed to go for dinner, make sure your friends know you only want to go for dinner, not spontaneous drinks and a night-out after the meal.
Suggest Alternatives
No matter how small the suggested spending limit is, it might still be too much. If you’re on the lower end of the income spectrum, become an expert at finding the cheapest deals and free events.
Rather than opting out completely and staying home with FOMO watching their Instagram stories, suggest alternative plans. Your friends want to see you more than they want to go out, so suggest cheaper, or free, activities like dinner at home or a movie night, you can still spend time together without breaking the bank. Bonus points if you can convince your wealthier friends that dumpster diving is the latest trend.
Stop comparing yourself
Constantly comparing yourself and your finances to your friends never helps, and may only make you feel worse. Making assumptions about your friend’s finances is also not helpful – your friend with the highest paying job may have debts they’re struggling to pay off, whereas the friend you think earns less may be doing really well with a side hustle and making more money than you thought. Your friends may be having the same money worries as you, so talking openly about it can benefit them as well as yourself.
True Friends Don’t Care About Money
Remember your true friends don’t care about how much you earn. Rethink the friends that make you feel bad for how much money you have, or don’t have. Friends who are happy to put you in situations they know you’re uncomfortable with, whether that relates to spending money or anything else, are not your friends!
Always remember the wise words of Cookie Monster who highlighted that a “friend is someone to share the last cookie with.” At the end of the day, it’s not about how much money you have, but the memories and laughter you share with your friends. So a true friend is someone you can split that last cookie and cherish the moments that make your friendship priceless.
