And the IDEAL ways to solve them
Back at the end of 2020, at the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, it was reported that the crisis had led to a spike in breakups and divorces. British charity Citizen’s Advice revealed that views of their page on ‘getting a divorce’ had risen 25% on the previous year, with a ‘divorce boom’ forecast for the coming years.
It’s not just the collective trauma of the pandemic and its isolation that has brought about a strain on so many relationships. Related stress concerning health, job insecurities and money have also played a part.
We’re here today to look at the latter of those three because in just about every survey going, ‘money’ is ranked as the number one thing couples argue about. If that sounds all too familiar, then here are the most common reasons couples argue about money and the IDEAL ways to solve them.
WHAT’S YOURS ISN’T MINE
Jealousy can ruin a relationship, that’s long been accepted. But what’s less acknowledged is that jealously regarding money is almost as prolific within relationships as jealously about another man or woman. They don’t call it the green eyed monster for nothing…
This is often caused by an imbalance in earnings between the two, and manifests itself in something of a power struggle concerning who should be in control of the household finances.
This imbalance can often be addressed by the use of a shared bank account or a shared budget between the couple, and an acceptance of – regardless of earnings – ‘what’s mine is yours’.
VIEWING FINANCIAL BEHAVIOURS AS A DEFINING CHARACTER TRAIT
Psychologists suggest that there are broadly 7 money personality types. But whilst some experts believe that identifying which you are can help you have a healthier relationship with spending, when couples try to attribute these personality types to their partners, problems arise.
When one half of a relationship views the other’s thrift or frivolousness as a defining character trait, arguments often follow. This is because behaviours around money can be used as a weapon in quarrels and as a tool of criticism.
Anyway, you were wondering what those types were, right?
- The Compulsive Saver
- The Compulsive Spender
- The Compulsive Moneymaker
- The Indifferent-to-Money
- The Saver-Splurger
- The Gambler
- The Worrier
Instead of attributing these rather pseudo-scientific types to your partner (and inadvertently causing a row), it’s a better idea to discuss your spending and saving habits as being couple’s traits. That way, you can work through compulsive or habitual issues together, as a team.
INVESTING WITHOUT CONSULTING YOUR PARTNER
When it comes to making any sort of financial decision, it is important to make sure you always consult your partner.
After all, decisions both big and small should be made as a team, and when considering investments, this means that the burden of responsibility is shouldered should things go wrong. If you go forward and make an investment without your partner being aware, not only are you risking taking all the blame should money be lost, but you’re also complicit in a betrayal.
On the flip side, when cooperating on investments as a team, you’ll gain greater clarity of perspective. What is your attitude to risk? Does this align with your partner’s view? What investment opportunities are right for your circumstances? Should you buy Bitcoin or would you be better off opting for something less volatile, such as a Nutmeg account?
When making any investments, it’s best to first consult your partner, particularly if the money is coming from a shared bank account.
KEEPING FINANCIAL SECRETS
On a final note, if you keep secrets of any kind, this can cause major issues in a relationship.
This is even more so the case when it comes to important matters that affect the both of you quite so implicitly, like money. You can find yourself on a very slippery journey to financial infidelity if you keep secrets concerning money, and it is only going to get worse if, for example, you dip into your savings without telling your partner and then your boiler breaks, requiring immediate investment? That’s a very awkward confessional that could lead to long term relationship damage.
To avoid this, the message is simple; always be honest with your partner.
THE BOTTOM LINE
So there you have it; these are some of the most challenging money problems in any relationship. It is important to recognise that all relationships experience problems in some shape or form. However, it is how you work through them and overcome these issues that really matter. Acting as a team and being honest will make all of the difference.
Oh, and if you’re still intent on staring into the abyss of your computer screen looking for answers about your relationship, you may just find them here.
