Back in 2021’s turbulent days, in the midst of lockdown 3.0, the UK’s leading relationship charity, Relate, published research about the effect of the pandemic on the country’s domestic harmony.
They reported that ‘’Almost half of the couples (45%) felt that lockdown put a real strain on their relationship’’, with health and money worries, a perceived claustrophobia at home, and uncertainty about the future all cited as catalysts for this increasing friction.
As we enter the second half of 2023, and now that a sense of normality has somewhat resumed, many couples are taking stock of just how the past three years of upheaval and unpredictability has impacted their relationship. Given time to process the enormous change we’ve all gone through, some couples have been left concerned about the strength of their relationship, and eager to rekindle a bond left broken by the pandemic.
With that in mind, here are 5 signs that the spark has gone in your relationship and the IDEAL ways to fix them.
You’re Spending More Time On Your Phone Than On Your Partner
After the first lockdown in 2020, it was reported that the UK’s internet use had soared to record levels, with adults spending a quarter of their waking day online during lockdown. Hey, quite honestly, we’re surprised it’s not even more.
Yep, those overexcited Screetime Reports have delivered some serious, serial home truths each and every week. Often, this has been to the detriment of our relationships, and it seems that, due to the addictive nature of our devices, this is one habit that’s going to be tough to break.
Now that restrictions are starting to lift and the ‘real’ world once again becomes available, if you’re still seeking solace in scrolling instead of looking up and into the eyes of your partner, then it might spell a more pervasive problem.
It’s so important to give your full attention to the quality time you do spend together as a couple. If you’re trying to connect to everybody but your partner via your phone while you’re spending ‘quality’ time together, well, it just sends the wrong signal. Instead, switch yours to aeroplane mode once a while.
Conversation Is Always Functional Rather Than Fun
If you find that all of your conversations with your partner revolve around ‘when?’ and ‘where?’ and concern only planning, without any of the fun, frivolity and flirting which once defined your exchanges, then it’s a surefire sign that the spark has gone.
Reframe how you think about conversations; we’re all waiting for our turn to speak and so often don’t pay enough attention to the details up to that point. But there’s so much value to be gained from taking a moment and really, truly opening your ears to your partner. Instead of the usual ‘what’s for dinner?’ and ‘where are we meeting your friends for a drink?’, endeavour to pepper your exchanges with more niche, esoteric subject matter.
Remember to regularly pay compliments and ask how your partner is feeling, not only what they’re doing. In doing so, you’ll find a sense of intimacy is gradually restored.
You’ve Stopped Going On Dates
Yep, we realise we just discouraged too much planning and constant discussion of dates in the diary. But there is one type of date you should still be making time for; those of a romantic kind.
Doing so gives you time away from your screens, your work life, the household chores and daily errands, all of which became somewhat blurred and indistinguishable during lockdown and home working.
It’s time to take back control. If you’ve stopped going out on dates, it’s suggestive that both of you are no longer excited about luxuriating in each other’s company. But now the wolrd has opened up again, why not take the opportunity to organise a night out away from home, and learn to cherish each other again?
Intimacy Has Dwindled
We’re not only talking about the sexual side of the relationship, here. While sex is hugely important, and for some, the defining contributor to a harmonious domestic environment, keeping up the intimacy goes much further than the birds and the bees.
Sometimes keeping things affectionate by simply hugging and kissing more often, holding hands while watching TV or strolling, and even saying ‘I Love You’ with increased frequency, is just as important.
Of course, the state of your sex life does say a lot about the overall health of your relationship, too, and if that side of things needs spicing up, then don’t be afraid to try new things to ignite the passion once again. Whether that takes the form of discussing fantasies, booking a dirty weekend away or introducing sex toys into the bedroom is up to you. Even more important than actions, though, are words; keep the dialogue regarding your sex life open and honest, and you stand a better chance of rekindling it.
You’re Not Spending Any Time Apart
We realise that the huge increase in home working has made spending time apart difficult, even as many have returned to the office in some form or another. But all those hours in each other’s company, without extracurricular activities or engagement with friends, family and colleagues, has likely left your relationship feeling somewhat insular.
This can, in turn, lead to complacency. As the old saying goes, ‘’absence makes the heart grow fonder’’ and this is certainly true to lovers who endeavour to do their own thing from time to time. In fact, as a survey by Travelodge (via Thrive Global) found, ‘’8 out of 10 people credited their happy marriage with being able to have a break from each other, while 75% also felt that spending that time apart helped keep things exciting in the bedroom.’’
This feels more important than ever following the insular, sometimes claustrophobic year, we’ve all had.
Take the time to focus on your own hobbies and interests, too, to ensure you retain that individuality which first so appealed to your partner. Doing so will equip you with the tools to deal with the challenges which lie ahead on your own terms, rather than via an over-reliance on your partner. Your relationship will be stronger for it, trust us!