Though recent reports of a drop in divorce rates put paid to the notion that COVID-19 would lead to a breaking-up epidemic, there were still 102,438 opposite-sex divorces and 1,154 same-sex couple divorces in 2020. That’s a whole lot of newly divorced families trying to find their feet and figure out a very different type of ‘new normal’.
Regardless of the various types of divorce you might be going through, you’ll know that such a turbulent time can lead to fractures within the wider family, with members stressed, exhausted and concerned about the future. Rest assured, however, that you’re not alone; if you’re dealing with divorce, here’s how to still enjoy quality family time during tough times.
GET YOUR FAMILY INTO A ROUTINE
It can be hard to get the whole family on the same page when it comes to mealtimes and bedtimes, particularly when the usual routine is going through a period of upheaval brought on by divorce. But the reality is that it can make your family life much more manageable if you keep things as organised as possible.
Try to ensure mealtimes and bedtimes remain predictable and consistent, to provide a strong grounding for all the family as you negotiate the world of family life post-divorce. You could also start using a visual, tangible family calendar to help coordinate the whole gang.
The family calendar should not be reserved solely for pickup times, sleepovers and extracurricular activities. Schedule your family time in it, too – if it’s not on the calendar, chances are, it won’t happen.
We’re huge fans of the old fashioned and love a wall calendar in the kitchen where you can coordinate the whole family. Having a fortnightly check-in where you discuss what’s coming up and any forgotten events is a good idea. Use this time to check that all the family are happy with their schedules. You can also use the calendar to schedule some downtime and family date nights, too.
COOK ONCE, EAT TWICE
When going through a divorce, you might find that your motivation to cook hearty, healthy meals is found wanting. But that shouldn’t mean you have to resort to ready meals and takeaways.
In fact, you can save loads of time by cooking up a big batch of food that you can eat twice or even three times throughout the week, in different guises and iterations. For example, you could cook up a big pot of meatballs one night with the help of the entire family, then slice them up and serve them on sandwiches for lunch. The next night, you could serve spaghetti with meatballs for dinner. Then, you could turn the rest of the cooked meatballs into kofte for another meal later down the line, serving them with a healthy salad and hummus.
Doing so is a great way to save time because you can plan out your meals in advance and avoid cooking separate dishes for each meal.
Go further, and make the most of your larder to create super healthy meals quickly. For inspiration here are some easy, delicious meals you can make from your store cupboard and freezer.
TECH FREE ZONES
Screen time is something that many parents struggle with because kids have so many devices at their disposal these days. And during the upheaval of divorce, kids might be tempted to retire into their screens for comfort, which can sometimes be detrimental to their wellbeing.
It can be challenging to set screen limits with young kids who are used to playing on electronic devices all day long, but you will eventually want to cut down on their screen time.
Try setting up a tech-free zone in your home where no one is allowed to use any devices or go online unless they need to do homework or research something for school. Then gradually expand this rule until everyone has screen-free homework time each night, screen-free meals and (ambitious, we know) screen-free weekends.
BUT HARNESS THE POWER OF TECHNOLOGY, TOO
Yep, we acknowledge the irony of writing this just after we implored you to spend less time on screens, but technology has become incredibly diverse in recent years and can be used to encourage family time when deployed astutely.
From digital calendars with built-in alarms for scheduling appointments, to having your groceries or even medications delivered to limit the number of trips you have to take, there are technological solutions to many time-consuming problems. Harnessing the power of the click’s convenience will give you more time to spend with the family.
As any parent will know all too well of late, technology can also serve as a means of education. Activities like finding recipes online to try making together, or learning something as part of a school project, are a great way to maximise family time and keep your kids engaged.
EMBRACE GROUP WELLNESS ACTIVITIES
Wellness activities enjoyed as a family are a wonderful way to maintain consistency and strengthen the familial bond during turbulent times. A few ideas for wholesome activities that everyone will enjoy include:
- Getting a group gym membership
- Growing, picking and cooking your own food as a family
- Playing activity tracker/GPS/geocaching based competitions
- Volunteering for a charity as a family
FINANCIAL CONCERNS
Divorce can be as much a financial upheaval as it is an emotional one. The process often involves the division of assets, debts, and can lead to changes in living situations, all of which can have a significant impact on family finances. During this challenging period, it’s crucial to manage financial concerns effectively to ensure that quality family time remains a priority. Here are some strategies to help navigate the financial waters of divorce while maintaining a focus on family well-being:
Create a New Budget
Post-divorce, your financial situation will likely look different. It’s essential to create a new budget that reflects your current income and expenses. This includes accounting for child support or alimony payments, if applicable. A clear budget will help you understand your financial limits and plan family activities that fit within your means, ensuring that you can still enjoy quality time together without the added stress of overspending.
Open Communication
Discussing financial matters with your children may be necessary, especially if they are old enough to understand the situation. Be honest about the changes they can expect, but also reassure them that the family’s love and support for each other will not change. This can help set realistic expectations for family outings and activities, and encourage everyone to contribute ideas for cost-effective ways to spend time together.
Prioritise Experiences Over Expenses
Quality family time doesn’t have to be expensive. Focus on experiences that foster bonding rather than those that cost a lot of money. Activities like hiking, visiting free museums, having a picnic in the park, or movie nights at home can be just as meaningful as more expensive outings. The key is to be present and engaged with your children during these times.
Seek Professional Advice
A financial advisor or a divorce financial analyst can help you understand the long-term impacts of your financial decisions during a divorce. They can assist in dividing assets fairly, planning for future expenses such as college funds for your children, helping you enact a pension sharing order if necessary, and adjusting investment strategies to align with your new financial reality. This professional guidance can help alleviate some of the financial stress and allow you to focus more on your family.
Co-Parenting & Costs
If you’re co-parenting, it’s vital to establish clear communication and agreements about how financial responsibilities for the children will be shared. This includes everyday expenses, medical costs, education, and extracurricular activities. Having a mutual understanding can prevent conflicts and ensure that both parents contribute to the children’s well-being, allowing for uninterrupted quality time.
Emergency Fund
Divorce can bring unexpected expenses. Building an emergency fund can provide a financial cushion that helps you handle unforeseen costs without compromising your family time. Even a small, dedicated savings account can make a difference in reducing financial anxiety during post-divorce transitions.
Embrace Change & Adapt
Finally, be prepared to embrace change and adapt your family traditions and activities to fit your new financial situation. This might mean starting new traditions that are more cost-effective or altering old ones to make them more affordable. The willingness to adapt can help maintain a sense of normalcy and enjoyment during family times, even when finances are tight.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Whilst divorce can be a time of unprecedented turbulence and upheaval, there are plenty of ways to make your family life easier, more enjoyable, and less stressful during it. By communicating with each other, setting up routines, and creating a healthy home environment, you can avoid burnout and keep a smile on your face every day.