Attending a wedding can be a blast – great music, delicious food, friends, and maybe a drink or two.
Beyond these basics, there are very few days devoted to celebrating love, and weddings give us the opportunity to get a little cheesy and talk about the sweeter things that we think but don’t often say.
That being said, weddings can quickly get out of hand—especially if a guest becomes a bit messy or simmering tensions suddenly flare up. When attending a wedding, you want to ensure that you’re not that guest—the one that everyone still talks about years later whenever the wedding comes up. How can you make sure you’re adding to the couple’s happy memories instead of giving them a headache?
To ensure you’re the model invitee and considering wedding etiquette, here are 7 tips for being a great guest.
RVSP ETIQUETTE
When you receive a wedding invitation, it’s easy to put the event out of your mind for a few weeks or even a few months. It’s not until next summer, you say to yourself, I can answer later.
While there’s not a lot you need to do in advance, there’s a lot that the couple in question needs to organise. The sooner they have a good headcount, the sooner they can iron out their wedding details, budget correctly and figure out the finer details such as the seating plan and just how much money they’re putting behind the bar! Responding late to invitations can cause way more stress than you might be aware of.
What’s more, don’t be annoyed if you’re not given a plus one. Worse still is to ask if you can have one even though it’s not stated on the invitation. Doing so is to tread dangerous ground, etiquette wise. This is the couple’s big day after all, and it’s their decision regarding who they invite – they may have a big family, or their budget doesn’t stretch to cohabiting friends. Be mindful and gentle in your responses, always.
WHAT TO WEAR?
There are a few basic rules for what to wear to a wedding. Before you plan your outfit, you’ll need to check the formality of the event and see if there’s a specified, strict dress code. Is there a mention of cocktail attire or black tie on the wedding invitation? Have they specified a colour scheme? Is the dress code unwritten but obvious?
Weddings are usually formal affairs, but if they aren’t, the invitation will specify what sort of attire is expected (business casual, hippy chic, or everyone-in-shorts, for example). Whether it’s formal black tie gowns in Australia or cocktail dresses in the UK, always, first and foremost, follow the instructions on the invitation and don’t bend the rules too much with your outfit!
Perhaps most importantly, do not, we repeat, not, wear a white dress when attending someone else’s wedding, unless it’s been explicitly stated as fair game.. this time, let the bride take the limelight. Same goes for cream, ecru, beige and any other hue with close ties to the fair, frosted shade.
Check out our article on 4 IDEAL tips on what to wear to a winter wedding for more advice on the subject.
TURN YOUR CELL PHONE OFF
This one should go without saying, but unfortunately, it doesn’t. During the ceremony, reception, speeches, and any other presentation, keep your cell phone volume off. Maybe even put your phone on airplane mode for the duration of the event, as a mark of respect for the happy couple and to avoid you any embarrassing moments during the hushed reverence of the ceremony.
If this sounds totally unfamiliar to you, it might be time to brush up on your cell phone etiquette – weddings are formal events where more traditional manners are expected (at least at the beginning of the night). No one wants your ringtone playing Crazy Frog loudly in the official wedding video just as the vows are about to start.
UNDERSTAND YOUR LIMITS
Not all weddings contain alcohol, but many do. If you’re drinking, be aware of your own limitations and don’t push past them.
You’ll also want to keep an eye on your friends and make sure that they’re keeping their limits in mind, too. When friends get together and the wine flows, everyone tends to get a little carried away, and that’s fine. Just make sure people – including yourself – aren’t getting a lot carried away.
No one wants drunken speeches with offensive stories in them. No one wants broken glasses. No one wants some guy tearing off his shirt on the dance floor or with their tie around their head. Remember weddings are formal events, and the couple’s parents and extended family might be present. Would you want your friend puking in a plant in front of your grandmother? Or a scuffle to be caught playing out in the background of your wedding snaps? Probably not.
RESEARCH CULTURAL EXPECTATIONS
Depending on the couple and their family history, the wedding might contain customs that are new and unfamiliar to you. If you know ahead of time that you’re going to be experiencing a different culture at the wedding, you might want to do a little bit of research—what clothing, manners, gifts, and behaviours are expected of the guests.
If you don’t know ahead of time and find yourself surrounded by a new way of doing things, be friendly and polite and let someone else take the lead. Never be afraid to ask questions, but make sure that you word your questions politely and respectfully.
BRING A GIFT OR AT LEAST A CARD
Weddings are expensive affairs that, while fun, can leave a couple a little bit more behind financially than would be ideal for their new life as a married couple. It is considered polite to bring a gift to the wedding, or at least a card, expressing your congratulations and appreciation for being included in the couple’s big day.
Of course, you don’t have to break the bank—don’t make any outlandish financial gestures during a flush of sentimentality – but a token of your thanks is considered the norm. Wedded couples don’t actually expect a huge spend on their gifts; £50.70 on average, which is 11% more than guests’ plans on spending. Not a huge disparity, then. Again, by keeping in the general ballpark of what’s expected of you and what your peers are spending, you’ll avoid that overspend as well as looking stingy.
FOLLOW COVID PROTOCOLS
This is a newer piece of wedding etiquette, but there’s no knowing how long this tip will need to be in place. Wherever COVID-related information is presented to you—in the invitation, by the MC, on a sign out front of the venue—make sure you’re following the instructions.
In addition to following all the COVID protocols, try to be understanding when invites are altered due to group gathering regulations. If you get a message explaining you can’t bring a date because the event is only allowed so many people on-site due to coronavirus laws, respect that. If wedding invitations are rescinded for the same reasons, respect that, too. It’s not the couple’s fault that they ended up getting married in a pandemic. Please don’t hold it against them.
The above tips should help you keep things charming and polite at any weddings you attend. Of course, as mentioned above, some weddings are exceptions to the rule. Make sure that you read the invitation carefully and follow all of the steps outlined by the couple. Usually, if things are a bit different, the invitation will make alternative expectations clear.