‘’It’s not you, it’s me’’. Whilst being dumped undoubtedly hurts like hell, let’s put the shoe on the other foot for a minute; breaking up with someone is never easy, either. If you really care for the person, ending the relationship can be harder still, bringing with it a mixture of guilt, self-doubt and concern for the other party.

In some cases, these feelings can last for a significant stretch of time, clouding future judgment and leaving both parties feeling unable to move on. If it’s likely that your ex is pretending to be over you and they’re displaying telltale signs of being powerless to forgive and forget, then, fortunately, there are some ways to help your ex move on from your relationship. Here are 6 of them.

EXPLAIN WHY THE RELATIONSHIP ENDED 

Reeling off the cliches can be painful to hear; ‘’I love you, I’m just not in love with you’’; ‘’You deserve better’’; ‘’We can still be friends’’; ‘’Maybe we can try again one day’’. Things like this only serve to offer false hope and that glimmer only leads to more heartache later down the line.

Instead, calmly and politely, even clinically, explain to your ex the reasons why the relationship ended, from both sides and without criticism or judgment. Of course, this is a conversation that needs to be approached with the most delicate of touches; make sure it takes place in a neutral setting, ideally in public and certainly without alcohol. Use logic and rationality, rather than emotional language, and don’t apportion blame.

This sensible approach will confirm gently but firmly that you’ve moved on, and will demonstrate that it’s best if your ex does the same. Years later, they’ll be grateful for your objective, dispassionate stance.

YOU PROBABLY CAN’T JUST BE FRIENDS RIGHT NOW 

The urge to keep in touch with an ex can be powerful. However, as Vox explains, “When people see their ex-partner, they tend to feel more sad (not fun!) and also more in love with their ex (possibly fun, but not useful for moving on)”.

If your partner still isn’t over your time together, you risk stunting their personal growth and prolonging their distress and longing.

Even if you’d still like to be friends in the future, it’s important to give your ex space to regain their independence. It also gives you time to focus on yourself, and that’s important, too. Just because you were the one who ended the relationship, doesn’t mean you won’t be struggling to come to terms with a different future, too.

GIVE THEM PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL SPACE

It’s hard to see someone you care about hurting and you may feel responsible for the way they are feeling. But it’s important to give them both physical and emotional space; otherwise, you risk elongating their mourning. 

As a couple, your lives would have been intertwined and it’s best to untangle things to allow for both of you to move on. 

It’s important to consider mutual stomping grounds. If you frequent the same supermarket or drink in the same pub, you should consider changing your routines and habits to avoid an uncomfortable, accidental meeting. Should you remain close with the same friendship circles, endeavour to manage meetings together so you’re not inadvertently thrust into the same room on a Friday night.

And though this should go without saying, if you are the one who initiated the break up, for heaven’s sake, don’t have a moment of weakness after a glass or two of wine and message them out of the blue. You owe them the space and distance.

DON’T GIVE THEM FALSE HOPE

If, after some time apart, you’d like to try to be friends, be sure not to fall into old habits which may inadvertently lead them on, like holding their arm while you walk or texting them a little too late into the evening. If you do re-enter the friend zone, establish clear boundaries in that clinical way we encouraged earlier to avoid confusion.

ENCOURAGE THEM TO “FIND THEMSELVES’’

After a break up, we often feel confused about our sense of identity, which has been so firmly and inextricably linked to the other person. A part of us, even a whole of us, can feel bereft and those who have been through a particularly traumatic break up often describe the sense of ‘something missing’ or being ‘torn away’.

Your ex may be feeling this way, but try to encourage them to reframe the break up into an opportunity. After a split, we often rediscover parts of our identity that had been neglected because they didn’t neatly fit in with our partner’s personality, and sometimes, this can be exciting, revealing new opportunities and a sense of hope for both parties. 

DON’T FORGET TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, TOO

You’re going through a difficult time, too. There’s a whole lot of acrimony and formality in life events like this, and sometimes it can be easy to forget that you have a life to get on with. Try to surround yourself with friends and family who will boost your self-esteem and listen to you without trying to tell you what to do. 

You do not need to spend time with people who bring you down or try to keep you dwelling on the past and wallowing in self-pity. Look after yourself following the break up, and eventually, things will look a little rosier.

Read: Life after divorce: How to embrace (and even enjoy) this new chapter of your life

THE BOTTOM LINE

Time heals. As explained in the Independent, “According to research published in The Journal of Positive  Psychology, it takes 11 weeks to feel better after a relationship ends. But a separate study found it takes closer to 18 months to heal from the end of a marriage”

So while you feel guilty now, know that they will move on and be happy again, just do what you can to make the process as easy on them as possible.  

And the IDEAL ways to solve them

Back at the end of 2020, at the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, it was reported that the crisis had led to a spike in breakups and divorces. British charity Citizen’s Advice revealed that views of their page on ‘getting a divorce’ had risen 25% on the previous year, with a ‘divorce boom’ forecast for the coming years.

It’s not just the collective trauma of the pandemic and its isolation that has brought about a strain on so many relationships. Related stress concerning health, job insecurities and money have also played a part. 

We’re here today to look at the latter of those three because in just about every survey going, ‘money’ is ranked as the number one thing couples argue about. If that sounds all too familiar, then here are the most common reasons couples argue about money and the IDEAL ways to solve them.

WHAT’S YOURS ISN’T MINE

Jealousy can ruin a relationship, that’s long been accepted. But what’s less acknowledged is that jealously regarding money is almost as prolific within relationships as jealously about another man or woman. They don’t call it the green eyed monster for nothing…

This is often caused by an imbalance in earnings between the two, and manifests itself in something of a power struggle concerning who should be in control of the household finances. 

This imbalance can often be addressed by the use of a shared bank account or a shared budget between the couple, and an acceptance of – regardless of earnings – ‘what’s mine is yours’.

VIEWING FINANCIAL BEHAVIOURS AS A DEFINING CHARACTER TRAIT

Psychologists suggest that there are broadly 7 money personality types. But whilst some experts believe that identifying which you are can help you have a healthier relationship with spending, when couples try to attribute these personality types to their partners, problems arise.

When one half of a relationship views the other’s thrift or frivolousness as a defining character trait, arguments often follow. This is because behaviours around money can be used as a weapon in quarrels and as a tool of criticism.

Anyway, you were wondering what those types were, right?

• The Compulsive Saver
• The Compulsive Spender
• The Compulsive Moneymaker
• The Indifferent-to-Money
• The Saver-Splurger
• The Gambler
• The Worrier

Instead of attributing these rather pseudo-scientific types to your partner (and inadvertently causing a row), it’s a better idea to discuss your spending and saving habits as being couple’s traits. That way, you can work through compulsive or habitual issues together, as a team.

INVESTING WITHOUT CONSULTING YOUR PARTNER

When it comes to making any sort of financial decision, it is important to make sure you always consult your partner. 

After all, decisions both big and small should be made as a team, and when considering investments, this means that the burden of responsibility is shouldered should things go wrong. If you go forward and make an investment without your partner being aware, not only are you risking taking all the blame should money be lost, but you’re also complicit in a betrayal.

On the flip side, when cooperating on investments as a team, you’ll gain greater clarity of perspective. What is your attitude to risk? Does this align with your partner’s view? What investment opportunities are right for your circumstances? Should you buy Bitcoin or would you be better off opting for something less volatile, such as a Nutmeg account? 

When making any investments, it’s best to first consult your partner, particularly if the money is coming from a shared bank account.

KEEPING FINANCIAL SECRETS

On a final note, if you keep secrets of any kind, this can cause major issues in a relationship. 

This is even more so the case when it comes to important matters that affect the both of you quite so implicitly, like money. You can find yourself on a very slippery journey to financial infidelity if you keep secrets concerning money, and it is only going to get worse if, for example, you dip into your savings without telling your partner and then your boiler breaks, requiring immediate investment? That’s a very awkward confessional that could lead to long term relationship damage.

To avoid this, the message is simple; always be honest with your partner. 

THE BOTTOM LINE

So there you have it; these are some of the most challenging money problems in any relationship. It is important to recognise that all relationships experience problems in some shape or form. However, it is how you work through them and overcome these issues that really matter. Acting as a team and being honest will make all of the difference. 

Oh, and if you’re still intent on staring into the abyss of your computer screen looking for answers about your relationship, you may just find them here.

Do you feel like your relationships with friends and family have weakened over the course of the last 20 months? You’re not alone. As the Washington Post reported last year, the stress of the pandemic was increasingly destroying previously close bonds held between loved ones.

A more recent investigation by Relate pointed to the lasting impact of the crisis on families, with the strain that lockdown placed on relationships still present as we look forward to some semblance of normality resuming. 

If you’re keen to arrest this decline, extend an olive branch and start afresh as we all adapt to the new normal, then here’s how to improve your bond with friends and family.

REPLY TO MESSAGES 

There are two types of people in this world, those who reply to text and WhatsApp messages promptly and those who open a message, read it with the intention of replying, and then don’t.

Sound familiar? Well, here’s a couple of things you can do. If you’re really busy or simply don’t feel in the mood for chatting, just acknowledge the message and tell them you’ll reply later – and actually do reply later.  

Or, if typing and texting feels too time consuming, then it’s much, much quicker to leave a voice note. What’s more, as the Metro in their article on The Psychology of Voice Notes points out, “you get the intimacy of sharing your voice, and hearing the voice of your loved one, without the pressure to engage on the spot”. 

Moreover, voice notes tend to take less of your attention, meaning you can fit them in around your life more easily; you can send one while you are walking to the shop, or listen to one while you make a cup of coffee. 

PICK UP THE PHONE

Yes, we realise that you probably fear picking up the phone as much as we do. Type ‘’Millenials hate…’’ into Google, and ‘’phone calls’’ is the search engine’s first suggestion. ‘’Talking on the phone’’ is its third. 

Incidentally, ‘’mayonnaise’’ comes second, which is curious. Imagine eating mayonnaise whilst making a phone call. Pure fear… 

Anyway, regardless of this untold, somewhat irrational hatred of phone calls, never underestimate the value of making one. Research shows that phone calls create stronger bonds than text-based communications and that’s what you’re here for, right? 

One of the best ways to overcome the fear of phone calls, then, is also the most simple; expose yourself to more of them. Start off small; just phone a friend to say hi (hey, you could even warn them first!), and slowly evolve this into 5 minute conversations, before you allow yourself to let go and embrace a full on ramble-chat. 

The more calls you make, the less overwhelming the phone calls will be. Eventually, you might even grow to like them.

BE A GOOD LISTENER & ASK QUESTIONS 

One of the best ways of connecting with people is to practice active listening, as opposed to simply waiting for your turn to speak. In doing so, you’ll learn more about your friends, provide a supportive ear to someone’s problems, and invest in your relationships, nurturing understanding and compassion.

If you’re not a good listener, it will be difficult for people around you to open up or feel connected, and eventually, they might stop sharing their lives with you at all. Make efforts to be fully present in conversation, asking as much as answering, without a single glance at a phone, and you may well find your own life is enriched just as much as your loved one’s.  

But what exactly defines a good listener? Well, back in 2016, Harvard Business Review analysed the data of almost 4’000 participants in a development program designed to help managers become better coaches in order to identify what makes an effective listener. 

They found that good listening isn’t just about staying silent and occasionally nodding in agreement. Instead, it’s those who asked follow up questions that demonstrated they’d comprehended the nuances of the conversation who were regarded as the best listeners. Those who genuinely wanted additional information and managed conversations as a two way street ticked all the right boxes as good active listeners, it seems.

This ‘active listening’ is also defined by the listener’s ability to create a safe environment for conversation where deeper thoughts and feelings can be conveyed. This is facilitated by a sense of cooperation rather than competitiveness in conversation.

The analysis also found that truly great listeners made suggestions and gave advice based on an implicit, deep understanding of the conversation, rather than basing responses on their assumptions of what the speaker might mean.

So, can we ask you; what’s your opinion on all of that?

CUT YOUR FRIENDS & FAMILY SOME SLACK 

Everyone has their flaws, even when it comes to the closest relationships with friends and family members. If you expect your connections to be flawless all the time, then you’re guaranteed to become disappointed when people don’t meet your expectations. 

Remember that no relationship is perfect, so there’s no need to compare yourself with others to feel good about yourself. Instead of putting pressure on others or yourself, focus on nurturing emotional connections by loving one another unconditionally while accepting each other for who they are, flaws and all. Your friendships should become much stronger over time if you embrace this mindset.

It also pays not to build up unrealistic expectations of just how ‘in touch’ and connected friends and family should be. As NBC explains, “Some people do have a tendency to withdraw if they’re going through a tough time (a lost job, divorce or some other problem)”. So, cut your friends and family some slack if contact isn’t constant; there could be a whole host of explanations why.

Being ‘always available’ in the digital age can become tough. Instead, focus on strong relationship maintenance and embracing the quality time you do spend together. Speaking of which…

QUALITY NOT QUANTITY TIME

Relationship maintenance depends on a variety of communication methods, from those phone calls and WhatsApp messages we mentioned all the way to that active listening you should be practicing. 

But a constant barrage of memes and asides at 1AM won’t necessarily cultivate the most healthy of relationships. Sure, that form of communication and community was so important in the context of the COVID-19 crisis, when so many of us were locked down and uninspired. Now, however, with restrictions lifting, it’s a good idea to nurture your bonds in person, at least once in a while, placing an emphasis on quality rather than quantity time.

THE BOTTOM LINE 

Sometimes, rebuilding a damaged relationship or improving an already strong connection isn’t as difficult or time consuming as it first seems. By focusing on nurturing quality time and being an active listener, and by being available but not dependent, you can build back bonds that have been lost over this impossibly trying last 20 months.

Hey, no one ever actively wanted to work in a dirty office, but the global pandemic has really brought home the importance of employee safety and security in the workplace, and the impact cleanliness can have on that.

Perhaps ‘brought home’ is the wrong term there. Instead, the ever pressing need for cleanliness, sanitation and safety has been brought into the office, and if your staff have recently returned there then it’s essential that you’re running a workplace that encourages peace of mind. 

In a recent report published by CNBC, the importance of ‘healthy buildings’ in enticing workers back into the central office space was highlighted. One of the best ways to do this as the world opens up and offices get repopulated is to instill a more disciplined cleaning regime in your workplace. With that in mind, for responsible employers, here are 6 crucial ways to keep your office disinfected and clean.

START AT THE BOTTOM, WORK YOUR WAY UP

According to an investigation by real estate experts JLL, ‘’traditional cleaning methods are being upgraded amid heightened expectations around hygiene’’. They go on to report that there has been a huge rise in interest in floor cleaning robots in the USA, with four fifths of businesses now considering ‘’cleanliness and sanitation their top concern’’.

Here in the UK, the robotic cleaning revolution hasn’t quite picked up the same speed, but that doesn’t mean you can’t clean your office’s floors with precision. As explained by the folks behind Glenn Cleaning & Support Services, a simple process of daily vacuuming can help reduce the number of contaminants in your carpet by up to 85%. When combined with mopping of hard floors, you’ve laid a sanitised foundation for future success.

Bear in mind that hard floors don’t trap dirt and microbes in the same way that carpeted ones do. This, it has to be said, is a blessing and a curse. But in the terms of the latter, all sorts of bacteria and – potentially, at least, viruses – can be kicked into the air and breathed in. As such, disinfecting hard floors more regularly than usual is a wise move. Usually, you should use bleach for this, but if your floor is porous and therefore not safe for use with bleach, then a mixture of water and white vinegar produces similar results.

EVERYDAY ITEMS THAT MIGHT GET MISSED WHEN SANITISING

There are several items in the workplace that are often overlooked for a thorough sanitising effort, but which may actually harbour more germs than some more obvious places around the office. 

Did you know, for instance, that according to the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, every 1 out of 6 smartphone screens is contaminated with faecal material. The study also declared that the average smartphone is 7 times dirtier than a toilet. Wow. 

Keyboards are another item that come into contact with our fingers constantly and accordingly, bacteria and viruses can often be found lurking in the crevices of each and every key. The same goes for the office kettle, landlines in the workplace and, of course, door handles. 

A sanitising regime, including education about these often missed items, is essential, then.

CLEAN THE AIR CONDITIONER FREQUENTLY

Research published by the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory (as highlighted in that JLL report we mentioned earlier) has suggested that improving indoor air quality in offices could add as much as $20 billion annually to the US economy.

This is because air quality plays a key role in staff contentment and productivity. One of the best ways you can improve air quality in your office is to clean air conditioning units regularly.

If you don’t want respiratory illnesses or other types of infections spreading through your office (you don’t; no one does), make sure that the air conditioner in your office has its vents and filters cleaned thoroughly once every three months (for companies that require 24-hour operations). This will not only keep contaminants away but also help maintain the quality of air inside your establishment. 

Read: 5 maintenance tips to maximise your air conditioner’s efficiency

Other ways to improve the air quality of your office and boost staff morale is to introduce some greenery in the form of indoor plants. Certain house plants can also assist in enhancing interior air quality, which may help in the alleviation of the symptoms of sick building syndrome.

An office setting with air-purifying plants, such as spider plants and chrysanthemum, can improve the atmosphere in more ways than one. And even if the science behind the air purifying qualities of plants sometimes grows out of shaky ground, the aesthetic lift they bring can’t be denied. For something simple to care for and attractive, too, you can’t go wrong with succulents.

Adequate ventilation is also more important that ever, so if you have the budget, consider installing new windows or bivalve doors in your office. 

PROVIDE PERSONAL HAND SANITISERS & FACE MASKS

Sure, you could set up hand sanitation stations (you should, in fact), but if you’re keen to show off your caring credentials, why not hand out a simple PPE kit containing waterless hand sanitizers or alcohol-based gels, which are proven to kill up to 99% of germs. 

Not only will this help reduce illness in your workplace but it will also inspire employees to maintain cleanliness even outside the office – when on the commute for example – by using these items regularly. 

As well as this, in these personal safety kits, why not include spare face masks for those who choose to wear them, and antibacterial wet wipes for disinfecting those commonly forgotten places we mentioned earlier.

KITCHEN CLEANLINESS

Kitchens are also a haven for bacteria. They are the breeding ground of microorganisms because they contain food items that provide nutrition to these organisms, while the moist environment inside the kitchen provides an excellent medium for growth.

One solution is to wipe your kitchen’s surfaces clean with disinfectants at least twice a day or after every meal preparation. 

Make it a point to provide different types of cleaners depending on the type of surface that you have in your office kitchen, whether it be stainless steel, plastic, ceramic, or porcelain. You should also keep in mind that disposable towels and sponges should only be used for specific tasks, such as wiping off countertops and surfaces exposed to spills. Installing a dishwasher would further reassure staff of your cleanliness intentions.

It is important to make sure that the products you use to clean your office are top-notch, organic and harmful chemical free as well, not only for staff safety but also a statement that you, as a responsible employer, value your staff. 

ALLOW FOR FLEXIBLE WORKING TO REDUCE UNNECESSARY FOOTFALL

A crowded office is one more likely to foster germs and one far more difficult to keep spotlessly clean. Accordingly, and as the responsible employer that you’re striving to be, make sure that options for flexible working, whether that’s a hybrid or an at-home model, are on the table for your staff. Check out these tips on ways to encourage a flexible working environment for more on that.

THE BOTTOM LINE

As you can see it is really not difficult to maintain hygiene in your workplace. All you need are the right tools and the proper know-how on how to properly clean your office space. If you don’t have enough time or resources for more complex methods of sanitation,  you can always start with the basics and work your way up from there. Just make sure that you have a plan in place before going all out so that you can guarantee results without compromising health and safety standards.